Self-reflection

– The awkward mirror of growth and redefinition

Self-reflection – pretty much my super power. It’s linked closely to my ability to name emotions, understand how they fit in my life, what lesson or ‘take away’ will support my life in a positive manner, and then to let the situation go.

Everyday is a learning day, so they say. Every relationship and interaction may serve to highlight something that’s occurring in your world that needs addressing. When thinking about it like that, it sounds exhausting.

What if you focus on the moments that stay with you, the ones that linger in your mind, the ones that pop into your head when you’re distracted or doing something else? Those are the ones I like to give a bit of extra attention to. It feels like there is something ‘undone’ something that needs addressing and ‘cleaning up’ emotionally.

Depth personally and professionally

My usual conversations with close friends are highly self-reflective. I hold myself to a high standard around being introspective and clear on who I am as a person. This is partly due to being a counsellor and being sure I’m not bringing my own ‘stuff’ into someone’s session, and partly because I really value creating depth in my personal relationships.

What depth and growth looks like to me may be a little different to your own personal definition; I see it as making choices to sit in discomfort and have the harder conversations. The little ones you might slide sideways and let time take care of, or the big ones that cause a complete severing of relationship. This also comes with knowing your worth. Being grounded in your sense of self and what defines your own personal integrity.

Real life example:

In a social setting, I had felt dismissed by a close friend. A throw away comment they made had impacted me unexpectedly, causing me to feel as if my support and care was worthless in their eyes. This is not necessarily what they had intended, but was how it landed for me. It would come to me in the shower, whilst I was cooking, as I was driving. I knew there was something that needed exploration for me to integrate. The next time I saw them, I spoke about it.

Though I was apprehensive about having this conversation, I also knew it to be the right choice to maintain my own integrity within my relationship to Self. My friend then had the choice to see where I was coming from and make their own decisions on how they wanted the friendship to look.

Me:​ “The way you said that throw away comment, I felt dismissed. As if my holding space for you when you needed it wasn’t important or worthwhile. I understand that the reaction is my stuff, not yours. I also know that I have a choice to talk to you about it or not. For me, if I don’t let you know stuff like this I’ll build up invisible barriers in our relationship and things will gradually feel weird and less connected. If I tell you things and talk to you about it, I think we can have a deeper friendship and I’d really like that with you.”

My friend declared they’d rather not be weird and were happy that I’d brought it up. We hugged it out and I was proud of myself for being brave around my own integrity and value.

It is much easier to know things in theory, to speak with clients in therapeutic spaces and reflect with them whilst they navigate their own sense of being. It makes so much sense when it’s external. Being able to self-reflect, know your own value, hold your own worth and declare your boundaries in the face of other’s behaviour – that is when the work starts. Rubber meets the road kind of stuff. It’s also one piece in the puzzle of inner peace. The practical application of theories and thoughts.

What is an example of how you demonstrate to yourself your own sense of self awareness? How does that look from the outside? How does it feel from the inside?
What is a choice you could make in the next 24 hours that would reinforce that feeling?

If you’re unsure/don’t know where to start – drop me an email. Supporting people in finding their own solutions, pathways, inner light is how I like to live my life.

Yours in joyful abundance,

Hx

Commitment is an interesting thing…

It was only a week ago that I made a commitment to myself, that as a writer, I would put time and effort into – you know – writing.  This came with a public declaration that I would publish something I’ve written each Thursday. 

Today is Thursday. 

As I sit here, I’ve had done a BJJ class followed by an aerial class (silks and trapeze, for the record of energy expenditure). Both of which have equally taken toll on my biceps, forearms, and fingers. It’s 9:15pm. I want to go to shower and go to bed. I’m tired, sore and a little annoyed at myself for saying things in a public space that I want to hold myself accountable to (past Hayley has a lot to answer for).  

On the weekend just gone, I hiked a trail I had been wanting to do for about 18 months. The friend I was going with bailed and I felt a little untethered to the idea. It’s way easier to show up to do something if you don’t want to let the other person down. I went through the motions of getting my stuff together, almost like I was waiting for an excuse to presents itself to not to go. Then I found myself in my car, driving to the trail head.

It was wonderful.

I marvelled at nature, made happy small talk with strangers as we moved by each other, wished a girl happy 6th birthday after she proudly declared it to me as I passed. Doing things independently is not new to me. I like my own company as much as I like being surrounded by friends and family. Sometimes you just need a nudge, right? 

As I was sitting and watching the water trip and spill down the rock face into the pool I was sitting next to, I recalled that declaring myself a writer was part of the bigger nudge from myself to show up in my life as who I want to be. I want to be the type of person who can go out and do things, with or without others. To be a person of my word. To say “I am ____” and have the commitment to back it up with action. 

This past month I have gathered evidence to prove to myself that I am a meditator, a scone baker, a clear floor maintainer (clothes seem to migrate to the floor systematically in my room. That happen to anyone else?), and now – a writer. 

Oh, this commitment thing. I choose to use it as a tool for fun, joy, growth, and only on occasion to keep me away from my pillow, creating space for me to show up as I the person I want to be. 

Hx