Bike tyre motivation

Prior to the break over Christmas and New Year, I felt like a deflated bike tyre. Not particularly functional, no buoyancy. Objectively present and from the outside you could probably guess what role I played in the moving parts of my community. A lot more noisy than usual; I could feel my body, mind and emotional selves calling out for attention, demanding to be shelved for repair. 

Rolling over the state boarder between New South Wales and Queensland late on the Friday before Christmas felt like a momentous accomplishment. I’d made it. I was done. I could stop. 

Promptly collapsing on my friend’s TV room floor and didn’t resurface until 2 seasons of the Office were done. Rest, cotton candy for the mind, food delivered to the door. Sporadic crying to release pent up emotions. It was a time out, some moments of grace that presented quite ungracefully. 

This pretty much continued into the Christmas festivities with less sporadic crying. 

Set in rural Queensland

My family’s home is one of removed peace, birdlife, and happy animals. Those happy animals include the humans located there also. I am a very fortunate person to have a family unit that deeply cares about one another. We have spent the better part of 20 years trying to figure out good communication across generations and continents. Surrounded by Mum’s good cooking, Dad’s endless stream of newly lathed wood products and country air, I could feel myself inflating back into my usual functional form. Better than that, I felt the capacity for new things. New ideas to read about, adventures to research, and friends to reconnect with.  It felt like the sharp stones of the pathway were no longer at risk of piercing through the rubber. I could deflect them. I had space again. 

The end of 2020 was a visceral and timely learning experience for me. I am usually one who feels capable of shouldering responsibility, putting myself out of my comfort zone, holding space for others. As the year wore on and my tenacity became less fierce, I had to really pay attention to my energy levels, say no to things I would previously have enjoyed, really nurture my introverted self so the extrovert facing the world could make it through as best as possible. 

I know I’m not alone in this learning

2020 was a large slap in the face for many. My sense of reflecting and paying attention to lessons learnt has brought me to understand the following:

  • It’s okay to say no to things you’re used to saying yes to;
  • Creating stillness (meditation, mindfulness, etc) is a key component in identifying how ‘noisy’ the mind is and how close to unravelling it might be;
  • Joy is a beautiful component of building ongoing resilience;
  • MOVEMENT is imperative. The moment I dropped my deadlift PB weight back to the floor my mind soared with endorphins and adrenaline.
    “I can do this, I am strong, I am powerful”;
  • FEELING all the things – terrifying and empowering. Linked closely to ‘purge crying’ (formerly ‘ugly crying’ but who needs that label in their day?) where all the thoughts and feelings brought up through the day/week/in meditation make their way to the surface and result in deep and heavy sobs, fat tears and some chin creases from where the lower lip has been folded over. A process of catharsis;
  • Someone to reflect and be curious about things with. Being vulnerable and sharing the noise in your head, being open to learning something about yourself that can only happen in conversation. 

Even taking one or two of these points can be a game changer, or simply refining the tools you already have. Giving them a once over to see if they still fit the bill – is the tyre pump still in good working order?

Listening is one of my super powers.

Swing me a message and let us make a time to ensure the lessons of 2020 have the opportunity to integrate into the ride of 2021.

Self-reflection

– The awkward mirror of growth and redefinition

Self-reflection – pretty much my super power. It’s linked closely to my ability to name emotions, understand how they fit in my life, what lesson or ‘take away’ will support my life in a positive manner, and then to let the situation go.

Everyday is a learning day, so they say. Every relationship and interaction may serve to highlight something that’s occurring in your world that needs addressing. When thinking about it like that, it sounds exhausting.

What if you focus on the moments that stay with you, the ones that linger in your mind, the ones that pop into your head when you’re distracted or doing something else? Those are the ones I like to give a bit of extra attention to. It feels like there is something ‘undone’ something that needs addressing and ‘cleaning up’ emotionally.

Depth personally and professionally

My usual conversations with close friends are highly self-reflective. I hold myself to a high standard around being introspective and clear on who I am as a person. This is partly due to being a counsellor and being sure I’m not bringing my own ‘stuff’ into someone’s session, and partly because I really value creating depth in my personal relationships.

What depth and growth looks like to me may be a little different to your own personal definition; I see it as making choices to sit in discomfort and have the harder conversations. The little ones you might slide sideways and let time take care of, or the big ones that cause a complete severing of relationship. This also comes with knowing your worth. Being grounded in your sense of self and what defines your own personal integrity.

Real life example:

In a social setting, I had felt dismissed by a close friend. A throw away comment they made had impacted me unexpectedly, causing me to feel as if my support and care was worthless in their eyes. This is not necessarily what they had intended, but was how it landed for me. It would come to me in the shower, whilst I was cooking, as I was driving. I knew there was something that needed exploration for me to integrate. The next time I saw them, I spoke about it.

Though I was apprehensive about having this conversation, I also knew it to be the right choice to maintain my own integrity within my relationship to Self. My friend then had the choice to see where I was coming from and make their own decisions on how they wanted the friendship to look.

Me:​ “The way you said that throw away comment, I felt dismissed. As if my holding space for you when you needed it wasn’t important or worthwhile. I understand that the reaction is my stuff, not yours. I also know that I have a choice to talk to you about it or not. For me, if I don’t let you know stuff like this I’ll build up invisible barriers in our relationship and things will gradually feel weird and less connected. If I tell you things and talk to you about it, I think we can have a deeper friendship and I’d really like that with you.”

My friend declared they’d rather not be weird and were happy that I’d brought it up. We hugged it out and I was proud of myself for being brave around my own integrity and value.

It is much easier to know things in theory, to speak with clients in therapeutic spaces and reflect with them whilst they navigate their own sense of being. It makes so much sense when it’s external. Being able to self-reflect, know your own value, hold your own worth and declare your boundaries in the face of other’s behaviour – that is when the work starts. Rubber meets the road kind of stuff. It’s also one piece in the puzzle of inner peace. The practical application of theories and thoughts.

What is an example of how you demonstrate to yourself your own sense of self awareness? How does that look from the outside? How does it feel from the inside?
What is a choice you could make in the next 24 hours that would reinforce that feeling?

If you’re unsure/don’t know where to start – drop me an email. Supporting people in finding their own solutions, pathways, inner light is how I like to live my life.

Yours in joyful abundance,

Hx

Commitment is an interesting thing…

It was only a week ago that I made a commitment to myself, that as a writer, I would put time and effort into – you know – writing.  This came with a public declaration that I would publish something I’ve written each Thursday. 

Today is Thursday. 

As I sit here, I’ve had done a BJJ class followed by an aerial class (silks and trapeze, for the record of energy expenditure). Both of which have equally taken toll on my biceps, forearms, and fingers. It’s 9:15pm. I want to go to shower and go to bed. I’m tired, sore and a little annoyed at myself for saying things in a public space that I want to hold myself accountable to (past Hayley has a lot to answer for).  

On the weekend just gone, I hiked a trail I had been wanting to do for about 18 months. The friend I was going with bailed and I felt a little untethered to the idea. It’s way easier to show up to do something if you don’t want to let the other person down. I went through the motions of getting my stuff together, almost like I was waiting for an excuse to presents itself to not to go. Then I found myself in my car, driving to the trail head.

It was wonderful.

I marvelled at nature, made happy small talk with strangers as we moved by each other, wished a girl happy 6th birthday after she proudly declared it to me as I passed. Doing things independently is not new to me. I like my own company as much as I like being surrounded by friends and family. Sometimes you just need a nudge, right? 

As I was sitting and watching the water trip and spill down the rock face into the pool I was sitting next to, I recalled that declaring myself a writer was part of the bigger nudge from myself to show up in my life as who I want to be. I want to be the type of person who can go out and do things, with or without others. To be a person of my word. To say “I am ____” and have the commitment to back it up with action. 

This past month I have gathered evidence to prove to myself that I am a meditator, a scone baker, a clear floor maintainer (clothes seem to migrate to the floor systematically in my room. That happen to anyone else?), and now – a writer. 

Oh, this commitment thing. I choose to use it as a tool for fun, joy, growth, and only on occasion to keep me away from my pillow, creating space for me to show up as I the person I want to be. 

Hx