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– The awkward mirror of growth and redefinition

Self-reflection – pretty much my super power. It’s linked closely to my ability to name emotions, understand how they fit in my life, what lesson or ‘take away’ will support my life in a positive manner, and then to let the situation go.

Everyday is a learning day, so they say. Every relationship and interaction may serve to highlight something that’s occurring in your world that needs addressing. When thinking about it like that, it sounds exhausting.

What if you focus on the moments that stay with you, the ones that linger in your mind, the ones that pop into your head when you’re distracted or doing something else? Those are the ones I like to give a bit of extra attention to. It feels like there is something ‘undone’ something that needs addressing and ‘cleaning up’ emotionally.

Depth personally and professionally

My usual conversations with close friends are highly self-reflective. I hold myself to a high standard around being introspective and clear on who I am as a person. This is partly due to being a counsellor and being sure I’m not bringing my own ‘stuff’ into someone’s session, and partly because I really value creating depth in my personal relationships.

What depth and growth looks like to me may be a little different to your own personal definition; I see it as making choices to sit in discomfort and have the harder conversations. The little ones you might slide sideways and let time take care of, or the big ones that cause a complete severing of relationship. This also comes with knowing your worth. Being grounded in your sense of self and what defines your own personal integrity.

Real life example:

In a social setting, I had felt dismissed by a close friend. A throw away comment they made had impacted me unexpectedly, causing me to feel as if my support and care was worthless in their eyes. This is not necessarily what they had intended, but was how it landed for me. It would come to me in the shower, whilst I was cooking, as I was driving. I knew there was something that needed exploration for me to integrate. The next time I saw them, I spoke about it.

Though I was apprehensive about having this conversation, I also knew it to be the right choice to maintain my own integrity within my relationship to Self. My friend then had the choice to see where I was coming from and make their own decisions on how they wanted the friendship to look.

Me:​ “The way you said that throw away comment, I felt dismissed. As if my holding space for you when you needed it wasn’t important or worthwhile. I understand that the reaction is my stuff, not yours. I also know that I have a choice to talk to you about it or not. For me, if I don’t let you know stuff like this I’ll build up invisible barriers in our relationship and things will gradually feel weird and less connected. If I tell you things and talk to you about it, I think we can have a deeper friendship and I’d really like that with you.”

My friend declared they’d rather not be weird and were happy that I’d brought it up. We hugged it out and I was proud of myself for being brave around my own integrity and value.

It is much easier to know things in theory, to speak with clients in therapeutic spaces and reflect with them whilst they navigate their own sense of being. It makes so much sense when it’s external. Being able to self-reflect, know your own value, hold your own worth and declare your boundaries in the face of other’s behaviour – that is when the work starts. Rubber meets the road kind of stuff. It’s also one piece in the puzzle of inner peace. The practical application of theories and thoughts.

What is an example of how you demonstrate to yourself your own sense of self awareness? How does that look from the outside? How does it feel from the inside?
What is a choice you could make in the next 24 hours that would reinforce that feeling?

If you’re unsure/don’t know where to start – drop me an email. Supporting people in finding their own solutions, pathways, inner light is how I like to live my life.

Yours in joyful abundance,